Reality is often cruel!

Is this what you really wanted aaronchan??

My answer to myself is,'I really dunno'... But i know somehow I
must come up with a decision to take or not.. Cus when the person
briefed for the course today I then realised what would I soon face..

Firstly, I would lose my family as I need to sail for almost the rest of
my life & so who will take care of my mum & dad or when they need
me?

Secondly, I would lose my freedom to go out anywhere,anytime I want!

Thirdly, I would lose my love life as I would have no wife nor children
at old age to spend with even though as calculated I would earn up to
15 millions USD...

My life would also been in danger as life at sea is not what you can
imagine of! Thats was what I was told! Imagine when the nights
falls, loneliness would soon struck you and the misery of not been
with your family would soon appoarch.. There is no internet non
any much activities for me to do..

Kok wanted to join is because he saw the big bucks he is going to earn
but who would not want? It is 650 USD to 1650 USD per day! and is
tax-free! 650USD is wad i earned in a month now! imagine you can
earn it in a day instead of a month! totally speechless! Not to blame
kok is greedy but which human on earth is not greedy?

But to be honest! I felt like crying when I think of the future whereby
i have to leave me mum and dad even though they are sick and ~touch
wood~ i might not even be able to be with them in their last journey..
It is a painful process.. Even though when i talked to mum about it
she seems okay with the course.. but truly i felt like a jerk when i told
her..

& now i kept asking myself this question! Why didn't you do better
for your o levels and attend your fucking cca even though you dun
like it and no one like you in that cca? IF i had put in longer hours
of studies and less hours of sleep and start earliar for my revision
i would not end up in this state whereby i am just 2 steps away from
what I always wanted! OR IF i had bite my teeth and just go for
the cca i might not end up in this state... I blame no one except myself!
I truly hate myself now..

Whoever whome know me well would know that i had a inspiration to
be a pilot but now i am ending up in a course where i would be seperated
from my friends but in a course where i am not able to study in major
of what i wanted.. I dunwan to be alone,I dunwan to spent my poly days
mugging alone, I dunwan to be in Electronis and Electrical Enginerring
when I am 3 points above the course and 2 points below the course
I wanted..

None of you would understand how i feel now! NONE! In many eyes
i might have done extremely well as i am a EM3 student but in my
eyes i had not done well.. I know that are many ppl out there who are
also like me now whom cant get into a course they desired.. And many
would say like ' wah at least you can get 16 points ' but to me what is
16 points? where can it bring me to? Triple Es?

The world is usually unfair..If there is fairness in this world then people
in Hati should not suffer this kind of disater as they are already a
very poor country..

It is too late to grumble now! What is done has been done and it cannot
be undone.. Thus!

I am now to make a decision whether to bet or not bet..

If i win this bet, I would be back on the track I want to be

BUT

If i lose this bet , I lose everything include Faimily,Friends & Love..

And today I found the 3rd most pathetic things under my defination
of pathetic people. ~not in any order~

1) Do not have a dream of what they wanted in their future life.
2)Not only love to cheat other people but also love to cheat themselves!
3)Unable to do the things you truly want in your future life.

And now I fall in this 3 pathetic definations i had..

By the way it is painful to be seperated..very painful! & whenever it
gets too painful I would just sleep! I really hope i can sleep forever!

I had to make a decision somehow..
But who would truly understand my real feelings now?
It is a Hard choice to make and the stakes are too high to be paid..