Mother and son times together @ Sentosa !

Last time I used to come into Singapore like this ! 

L

Singapore is indeed beautiful !

We used to anchor in Singapore waters like this ...

It has been a long time since I really went out with my mom. Probably a year already? Most of the time I was away for my attachment. So yesterday was a really good catch up opportunity for us, dad got us a suite at his hotel, SPA treatment and fine dining dinner. I was really shock when he told me last week. Anyway the hotel dad work at is The Sentosa Resort and Spa.

The above photos are some pictures I took during the Cable Car Ride. Frankly speaking I am someone who is slightly afraid of heights. Especially the Cable Car has got some accidents before ... Nonetheless it was a great ride, I remembered when I was young, mom and grandma used to take me on Cable Car ride and my heart will beat frantically ! But now, I am grown up but grandma is no longer around with us ...

I must say, Singapore really has a great view of high rise buildings ! Just love the place but definitely not the weather and heat of this country !

This is the hotel lobby ! 

My overall feelings about this hotel is that it is a place that has a lot of serenity and privacy. Very close to nature but there isn't plenty of bugs. Very clean. During the stay, it gives you a piece of a mind, very calm like  living on another island. I like it very much. The hotel also keeps Peacocks that roam freely on their own but of course the hotel feeds them. Surprisingly we saw some chicks, which means the area has been so nice to the bird till it feels comfortable to reproduce. This is a rare sight! The birds are also welcome by the hotel staff, restaurants, in fact anywhere in the hotel. 

Personally, I fancy the swimming pool a lot. It is very clean and has very comfortable feeling. I swam 2 times a day! Very nice, like some atas club.

The above are some pictures of our suite. The suite consists of a lobby, living room, bedroom and a toilet with tub. The design of the room is very nice. Very high tech room. Very comfortable. I love the pillows the most, they are made of feathers, i think so! Very soft yet firm for support, wish to get one of those too! 

I slept with mom yesterday, I remembered when I was younger I always like to sleep with mom. I will always find some silly reasons to sleep with her. So I am glad I slept with mom this time too! 

We took this, Tiger Beer Sky Tower! 

Siloso Beach ! 

This toddler is so cute, he love to play with mom!

Our Singapore ICON, HALF MALE HALF FEMALE BEAST! 

The above restaurant was where we (including mom friends) dined yesterday. The Garden is a open concept fine dining restaurant so you really need to expect each to pay at least a 100dollars if you are going for some starters, main course, desserts and wine. But of course, it is worth every cent. The service wise is very efficient and courteous, every single item on the dish was explained clearly. The food wise I will give 4 stars out of 5 starts. For me, I love the lamb rack and my short ribs the most, the Lamb Rack has strong foul smell of the lamb which it usually does, it is soothe by using some herbs and sauces till it is very light and acceptable and the lamb is only about 70% cooked to preserve the freshness taste and the texture of the meat, it was done really well! , as for the short ribs it the small, the taste of beef is not so strong like usually but it is there, as for the texture wise, I think it is awesome, because the meat is only medium done (recommended) thus it is very soft, has some fats that will melt in your mouth and there isn't like blood taste means it is very fresh. I really enjoyed it. We also had red wine, so I hardcore drinking. 

I am really grateful for this little getaway that Dad has arranged for me and mom. Within that short stay, everything was organised already and I don't even have to lift a finger. He checked-in for us, he bought me to the restaurant to familiarise and meet the manager first, then to the SPA he booked for massage and even breakfast for reservations and informing the manager. Everything it like, "tick" and it is there. Although in the past he might have not been very nice to mom and me but at least now I know he still love us but in his own manly way. So I thank god, for everything god has gave me. I might not have a fantastic background, I may not be born with a silver spoon, I may not have a fabulous past but at least one thing I know I will have and that is, the life I will have in the future will only be better. I promise I will try my best to provide my parents when they are old.

Frankly speaking, after leaving Singapore, leaving everything behind and leave for a year really makes my mindset and thinking changed. In the past, I really will always ask why people like my buddies Gary, Darren etc has a very heart warming family but not me? Why am I not rich, at least rich enough to stay in big houses? I always ask myself for the things I don't own. But now, I am thankful, I thankful that I am healthy, I am thankful I have a mom that loves me a lot, I am thankful I have great buddies like Dillon, Gary, Darren, Dengyi, Suen, Elvin etc. whom I know I can trust and rely on! , I am thankful I have 3 meals a day and I no issues affording it, I am thankful for everything seriously. Not all of the things but I am trying. I think by doing this, life will be better and easier/happier to live. 

I had quality time spent with mum this time. Mom was really happy, I can tell. From her friends, I know my mom even better. At least, I know how she feels sometimes. I know she loves, more than herself so I will provide her in whatever ways in time to come. Maybe I cannot afford big bungalows, cannot afford big cars, cannot afford to eat exotic food everyday but at least I will make sure she has a roof over her head, with all that she needs. Just like how she provided me when I was young. Soon it will be my turn. But I hope she can be strong as usual for the times I am away because I am trying very hard to improve our family life.

Lastly, Thank you GOD, I never being so grateful than now. I am really grateful and contented with my current life. Life is more meaningful now. 

Sometimes don't look at things you don't have,why not look at things you already have makes your 

life easier and happier. Don't complain ,  be contented. At least you have a room to sleep

and food to eat whenever you are hungry. Not everyone is lucky as you are.

I am not a perfect son, a perfect friend but trust me I am trying now, I am trying my best.

該放手了 !

每一个字是如此的真实, 听后让我失去了我自己. 想想过去，我们曾经有过的 ... 也许你不知道

但每天都活在伤痛里 ! 

但我知道我应该放下 ...

黃小琥 - 該放手了

該放手了
詞Lyricist：徐世珍/吳輝福
曲Composer：伍家輝

那一段愛情 像一道門檻
藏在心中一直遺憾
後來再戀愛 難免像鐘擺
比較著從前和現在

忘了時間會竄改 回憶著各種片段
要不要勇敢回頭看一看

該放手了 那一些傷痕早就變淡
該承認了 過不去也還是過到現在
那一個人 並沒有枯守在上個轉彎
等待著誰的舊愛再復燃

該放手了 有一些事不需要答案
該承認了 找不到當年的那份簡單
這才明白 原來是自己早已經更改
執著著愛過恨過只不過 閒不下來
(這才明白 原來是自己早已經更改
惦記著愛過恨過只不過 不甘平凡)

那一段愛情 像一道門檻
藏在心中一直遺憾
手裡的溫暖 明明很溫暖
擔心不瘋狂不算愛

忘了失去的最美 美到什麼也隱瞞
要不要誠實回頭看一看

In life there are times I don't have a better option

Feelings for tonight? I feel guilty and very sad !

WHY?! ...

When I came home just now, Dad told me to sit down and he talked to me. He told things that rip my heart apart ... When I was away for the past 1 year, sometimes he saw my mommy crying looking at my pictures and everyday she will pack and clean my room even though I am not using it. I was stunned , like totally. At that instant, I really felt that I have done the worse decision of my life and that was to choose this career.

The reason I chosen this Course/Career was because I know this line can fetch more money for my family. I remembered when I told them when I first entered this course, they were cool about it, they asked me if it was something I want to do and  I replied 'YES'. So they said as long as I am happy, they are alright. And also because this course was also offering a Scholarship, at that point of time I just wanted not to depend on my dad anymore if I can, because he always make a lot noise.

I wanted freedom, I wanted to break free, I wanted my life. So I chosen this path. But I didn't know I will cause so much pain and agony to my mom. I really cannot imagine my mom, will look at my pictures and cry, I mean she always look very strong even though we have some family problems all these years. When I try to image her face, I just couldn't help but cry. I feel so bad, I feel so gulity. Her only child wasn't able to be by her side.  But deep in my heart, I wanted to say, "You think only she is the only one that feel so much pain and agony missing me, you think I like to be away?!" I also suffered a lot, not only I suffered mentally from missing them and my friends, I also suffered physically. You think it is sooooooo easy to live on a ship? Do anyone have any idea what I went through? You think it is a HOLIDAY CRUISE, where I eat and sleep everyday? I have done the most dirty job I ever done, I have falls and injuries I couldn't say, I have been scolded and insulted ways you have never been, I have nights where I don't even have time to rest not even sleep and yet no one pity me I still work, I have times where I missed everything and everyone but there is nothing I can do, I have times where I was so homesick I use my pillow to cover my face and cry to sleep,I have times where I blamed for the things I didn't do but I cannot even speak a word but to accept it, I have times where I have so much stress that I could not cope even I might lose my career but who else can I turn to? I am seriously fed up, everyone including my Cliques thinks I was on a holiday camp but who really understands what I have gone through? All that everyone seen was only the good side I was trying to project, but have you seen the worse part? This is not some holiday army camp, this is my career now, this has become my life, my blood at least for the next 10 to 15 years.

All I wanted was the family to have a better life, all I wanted is a better life for myself. I am not some rich guy who is born and my parents own a whole corporation that will be mine one day. I have use my hands to earn a living, I have to pave my own road. One day, I will make enough money to FUCK this world, this disgusting society, this pathetic life I have. One day, I will tell everyone, the life I have is pave using my own hands.

There are many things I couldn't say, not even to my closest friends, maybe some. For your info, if you think I have grown up and lived a very happy and comfortable life, then you don't know the real me. What you see, is what I want you to see. Because I don't want to ruin my image, my projection I was trying to project all these years. I don't want people to look down on me. I am a person with tons of pride and ego. There are things that are very hard for me to say, it is not so easy, not I don't want but I don't know how. This is me, I hope everyone understands.

Life is fair, you gain some, you lose some. It is the balance of life. 

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

All I can say is be grateful to your parents everyday, in everything you do, NEVER disappoint them.

Learn to treasure the things you have rather than complain.

I am Back !

Like as per title I AM BACK ! Back from ? For those people who are close to me knows that I have been away sailing to various places of the world for the past 1 year.

Many said I was like on a long vacation but who really knows what I exactly went through every moment of my life ? So whats the worst part of sailing then ? I will say it is to leave everything behind, your family, your friends and maybe even your partner, to leave on a whole new different life where you are almost disconnected from whatever that is going in the world. There were many many moments where I missed my cliques, my mum and maybe even you but there was nothing much that can be done other than emails and sometimes maybe telephone calls. We cannot hangout in bar for a drink, we cannot grab the latest movie together etc ... So at a point of time, I almost gone crazy about this. Eventually I grew sick of it, and learn to live with it! My motto was that I will ' MAKE THE BEST OUT OF THE WORSE". So that led me on for 6 months.

On my last ship APL TOURMALINE, I must say I have been very fortunate. People like my superiors really took real care of me and there were little little things that they have done that really appreciate them even more because no one has even done that to me. I feel appreciated by someone first time in my life. So I had a better environment to live as well as learn the necessary stuffs that I needed to learn.

As for countries ? So far I had visited many countries from USA, to KOREA, CHINA, HONGKONG, PANAMA CITY, MIDDLE COUNTRIES. But out of all of them, I love USA the most. That country was the place that I have hope to live long ago ! I am determine to move there and live there one day. Frankly speaking, I am sick of a country like Singapore, the weather is too intense and the people here are so close minded to many things. For example, I am pretty upset about the inflow of foreigners into Singapore. All I could say is that about the Singaporeans is that, they cannot have it that's why they are making noise, SOUR GRAPES ! If we Singaporeans, lower of demands and strengthen our abilities is there a need to worry that people will replace you ? In my point of view, I think many Singaporeans and even among my closest friends I see many take the things they had for granted, they think they deserved it but actually they don't!






For pictures of my trips, please refer to my facebook :)
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150428036152185.314666.724872184&type=3
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150739359577185.343194.724872184&type=3

byebye XOXO

My vessl's internet is UP!!!

OMGOMG!!! I can use internet like everyday NOW cus my ship's internet is UP! HAHA ... So guys stay tuned to my blog for my weekly or daily updates of my shit life onboard!

Lon: hey bro, I saw your blog today man, was damn destructive to me can! I cried, in my heart I have never blamed you for not being there for whenever i needed cus i know we all got to grow up and we have to learn to live when either one of us is not there. The past we had was beautiful but the future ahead of us when will be even better, you got to believe in me, you got to believe in yourself! though i may not be able to be there physically for you now but nevertheless you will always have my spirit and soul with you! You know something, whenever I am sad onboard I will always think of the past we had, the days where we chiong maple to dawn and go mac at harbourfront, the times where we go school today in yr mom's with you bad face in the morning, the day where i fall onto you on 855 when gg to sch and u slam the girl and then u got so mad at me, the day where u bought me fishball kwayteow and a coke at blk 112 coffeeshop(dunno u still rmb, cus i do!), the days we go work together at carl's jr and manymany more, these are memories i will never forget and i am very happy whenever i think back on it cus those life are the best part of my life! I hope you too will feel happy when u reflect back! Rmb no matter which part of the world i am at, your position in my heart will never change, I swear, no matter how much u change I will still try my best to keep up with u! And you dun have to compensate anything to me, you didnt did me wrong, in fact i was thankful we quarrelled cus things are clearer between us, no misunderstandings and we grew up from that! I am also not as good as u mention in yr blog, i am in fact being hated by my captain and some other people i know because maybe of the way i speak, i feel upset, i feel like giving up but i will never cus i know i can make it. you dun have to offer me anything, just be with me when i am back and i hope we can spend more time tgt! I miss you alot too, about a week ago, i got a little drunk then when i go back to my cabin i cried very badly, i took out the photos we once took and cried like mad until i fall aslp, i really miss all of u alot alot that sometimes i think i cannot make it anymore, this is my dunno how many times i had cried because i miss u all! I am really sorry that i canoot be with u as much as i can before due to my carrer but i will do whatever i can, you know i will! Please takecare and I will be back in no time, my dearest brother! I miss u alot !