I can wait forever

I can wait forever - Simple Plan

You look so beautiful today

When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away

So I try to find the words that I could say

I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away

And I can't lie

Every time I leave my heart turns gray

And I want to come back home to see your face

And I

Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me

Is like a blade that cuts right through me

But I can wait

I can wait forever

When you call my heart stops beating

When you're gone it won't stop bleeding

But I can wait

I can wait forever

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/simple_plan/i_can_wait_forever.html ]

You look so beautiful today

It's like every time I turn around I see your face

The thing I miss the most is waking up next to you

When I look into your eyes, man I wish that I could stay

And I can't lie

But every time I leave my heart turns gray

And I want to come back home to see your face

And I

Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me

Is like a blade that cuts right through me

But I can wait

I can wait forever

When you call my heart stops beating

When you're gone it won't stop bleeding

But I can wait

I can wait

I can wait forever

I know it feels like forever

I guess that's just the price I gotta pay

But when I come back home to feel your touch

Makes it better

Till that day

There's nothing else that I can do

And I just can't take it

(I just can't take it)

Another day without you with me

Is like a blade that cuts right through me

But I can wait

I can wait forever (I can wait forever)

When you call my heart stops beating

When you're gone it won't stop bleeding

But I can wait (I can wait)

I can wait

I can wait forever

I can wait forever

I can wait forever...

This is what I want to say to you,  somethings cannot be rush nor can be pushed.

Even if the final choice is not me, I will accept it like a adult because I know, LOVE cannot be forced. I still hope we can be friends and you will always be happy like usual. XOXO

I have feelings too, you know ?

I am not a computer HDD , I cannot click on 'Del' and forget all that had happened to us whether is it bad or good memories, these memories has become a part of me ... I just want to say, I miss the past we used to had, the laughter we used to share, the lame-ness we used to had, the funny way we used to talk, the times where we quarreled because deep in our heart we care and give a damn.

But as we grow older, we have more priorities in life. And we lose the ability to juggle life, so we tend to let go, because letting go will inflict less pain on your wounds but actually you are hurting me. I am not a bus, where you go onboard you tap in, and when you reach you destination you just tap out. I have feelings, emotions and memories. Once in a while I might be outrageous , I might be wrong, I am be unreasonable but did you ever bothered to ask me if anything was bothering me that's why I am acting this way instead you just show a blacker face than me?

So I really hope with my remaining days, I hope that we can all live peacefully and happily & make use of life to its fullest ! 

A kind reminder to you.

Remember you have your work, your entertainment, your friends but I only have you ! So please do spend some time with me because it matters to me ...

:(:(

Got fuck through my nose !

Today must have been my unlucky day, I went out with mom and her friend which is also our neighbor to Tiong Bahru because mom want to check her banking things. So after that we went to this place called  QI JI, I am sure a lot people have been there for meals before. The nasi lemak they serve are so irresistibly delicious but unlucky I swallowed something. I didn't take the small small fried fish, I am not refer to Ikan Billes, it is those small fish. But somehow, but don't how I felt something in my throat, I panic to the toilet and attempt to vomit it out but the feeling and pain was there!

So mom quickly brought me to the nearest general practitioner, by they are unable to see deep enough, so they quickly refer me to the SGH A&E. I was in pain, I couldn't talk, even swallow saliva also pain. So I quickly registered and waited for at least 2 hours before the Throat Specialist or otolaryngologists came from a surgery for me. There were 2 of them, both as very very chio and hot doctors in their 20s, like those in tv series ! So I thought I was in the hands of the beauties and they wouldn't be very rough like man. But turned out, WOMAN ARE INDEED SCARY. 

First they scoped me, with what known as a Throat Scope. They will insert it through my nasal into my throat to see. It looks exactly like the pictures before ! 

This was the bloody scope ! 

This is how they do it ! 

I was excatly in this position, FUCK THROUGH YOUR NOSE. Man it hurts and it is uncomfortable!

Here is a picture how the throat looks like ! 

Okay of course before they scoped me, they spray analgesic through my nose. Man it is like you sniff water from the swimming pool into your nose. It was suppose to numb my nose, but in the end she sprayed a lot before the effects took place. When my nose and throat was numb, she put lubrication on the scope and begin FUCKING MY NOSE with that scope. GOSH, I swear, it was awful and uncomfortable. It is the size of a drinking straw, imagine that in your nose and into your throat. FUCK ! 

After that, the doctors say they cannot find anything, then they check the X-ray also nothing. Then she decided to SCOPE AGAIN! OMG, I was AGAIN AH ?!.. She is like Ah Lian doc, and replied "  YES my friend" ! So there she goes again, fucking my nose with that awesome scope ! Still nothing was found except some deep cuts that was bleeding. 

Then she decided to the do the manual way to check, she us a 'L' shape tool, known as a tongue forcer (or something) and a tweezers for the throat to dig my throat ! FUCK, until then I realise this was WORSE ! It is exactly like someone digging your throat and forcing to open it. I kept pushing her, then the 2 doctors, one push my head firmly against the seat rest , the other digging because I was struggling ! What to do, it is really uncomfortable and I was going to vomit ! So she kept digging and check for at least 10 times. By the way, due to my strong struggling and pushing the doctor away when she was happily digging me, at one point she really fed up and said, " Now there is something inside or not I cannot see, please bear with me!" and she kept apologizing to me while digging and scoping for the comfortableness. OMG, thinking back I really don't know how I made it through and sitting here typing this blog post ! GOSH... It was the worst experiences I ever felt ... And at the end of everything, she even said, " I am sorry for torturing you, hope you will recover!". WAH the both of them really damn chio, cool and SHUAI! ~DROOLING!~

So the conclusion was ??? There was nothing really inside based on the scope, manually checks and X-ray except deep cuts on the throat. So she decided not to put me in the observation ward but send me home, then if got any fever, sore throat, bleeding then must admit into hospital immediately ! And I must do a return check on Sat to see if I healed and whether I need a Ultrasound scan. 

Total cost for today? $350 dollars plus 4 hours of torture for me and my mom in th A&E. 

Mom really freaked out. She was really worried. I am sorry I let her worried. 

Until today, after seeing all those injured or terribly sick patient in the hospital, I realised something. Nothing is more important than your own health. To be health is a fortune, so STOP complaining about the things you don't own, about your boyfriends/girlfriends, about how life is fucked up. The reason why you are still breathing is a miracle and treasure your life and be thankful to your parents.

Too much love, too much efforts, too much feelings, too much of everything let you unable to free yourself sometimes. I have learnt my lesson, in whatever I do now onwards, I must put in less in everything ...

I am trying but I am struggling ...

Suddenly got the urge to go through the messages you once sent me ... I read and I cried ! I cannot help but whenever I think back of the past, I feel so emotional. I have tried to let go but somehow I can't. The feelings has attached to me. And I do not have the courage to Press on the 'DELETE' key to delete all our most fondest memories away.

Sometimes I asked myself, is it just me or you are thinking me once in awhile?

I know I need let go, if not I will end up suffering ... But the problem is HOW !? I am not a computer whereby you can simply reformat and TADAAA the memories is gone ...

You told me to listen to this song when we were still together ... I remembered !

You were the only one, the one and only one, that I had put in so much effort and feelings into our relationship but in the end we are separate by our destinies in life.

Who can be my saviour now ? 

Mother and son times together @ Sentosa !

Last time I used to come into Singapore like this ! 

L

Singapore is indeed beautiful !

We used to anchor in Singapore waters like this ...

It has been a long time since I really went out with my mom. Probably a year already? Most of the time I was away for my attachment. So yesterday was a really good catch up opportunity for us, dad got us a suite at his hotel, SPA treatment and fine dining dinner. I was really shock when he told me last week. Anyway the hotel dad work at is The Sentosa Resort and Spa.

The above photos are some pictures I took during the Cable Car Ride. Frankly speaking I am someone who is slightly afraid of heights. Especially the Cable Car has got some accidents before ... Nonetheless it was a great ride, I remembered when I was young, mom and grandma used to take me on Cable Car ride and my heart will beat frantically ! But now, I am grown up but grandma is no longer around with us ...

I must say, Singapore really has a great view of high rise buildings ! Just love the place but definitely not the weather and heat of this country !

This is the hotel lobby ! 

My overall feelings about this hotel is that it is a place that has a lot of serenity and privacy. Very close to nature but there isn't plenty of bugs. Very clean. During the stay, it gives you a piece of a mind, very calm like  living on another island. I like it very much. The hotel also keeps Peacocks that roam freely on their own but of course the hotel feeds them. Surprisingly we saw some chicks, which means the area has been so nice to the bird till it feels comfortable to reproduce. This is a rare sight! The birds are also welcome by the hotel staff, restaurants, in fact anywhere in the hotel. 

Personally, I fancy the swimming pool a lot. It is very clean and has very comfortable feeling. I swam 2 times a day! Very nice, like some atas club.

The above are some pictures of our suite. The suite consists of a lobby, living room, bedroom and a toilet with tub. The design of the room is very nice. Very high tech room. Very comfortable. I love the pillows the most, they are made of feathers, i think so! Very soft yet firm for support, wish to get one of those too! 

I slept with mom yesterday, I remembered when I was younger I always like to sleep with mom. I will always find some silly reasons to sleep with her. So I am glad I slept with mom this time too! 

We took this, Tiger Beer Sky Tower! 

Siloso Beach ! 

This toddler is so cute, he love to play with mom!

Our Singapore ICON, HALF MALE HALF FEMALE BEAST! 

The above restaurant was where we (including mom friends) dined yesterday. The Garden is a open concept fine dining restaurant so you really need to expect each to pay at least a 100dollars if you are going for some starters, main course, desserts and wine. But of course, it is worth every cent. The service wise is very efficient and courteous, every single item on the dish was explained clearly. The food wise I will give 4 stars out of 5 starts. For me, I love the lamb rack and my short ribs the most, the Lamb Rack has strong foul smell of the lamb which it usually does, it is soothe by using some herbs and sauces till it is very light and acceptable and the lamb is only about 70% cooked to preserve the freshness taste and the texture of the meat, it was done really well! , as for the short ribs it the small, the taste of beef is not so strong like usually but it is there, as for the texture wise, I think it is awesome, because the meat is only medium done (recommended) thus it is very soft, has some fats that will melt in your mouth and there isn't like blood taste means it is very fresh. I really enjoyed it. We also had red wine, so I hardcore drinking. 

I am really grateful for this little getaway that Dad has arranged for me and mom. Within that short stay, everything was organised already and I don't even have to lift a finger. He checked-in for us, he bought me to the restaurant to familiarise and meet the manager first, then to the SPA he booked for massage and even breakfast for reservations and informing the manager. Everything it like, "tick" and it is there. Although in the past he might have not been very nice to mom and me but at least now I know he still love us but in his own manly way. So I thank god, for everything god has gave me. I might not have a fantastic background, I may not be born with a silver spoon, I may not have a fabulous past but at least one thing I know I will have and that is, the life I will have in the future will only be better. I promise I will try my best to provide my parents when they are old.

Frankly speaking, after leaving Singapore, leaving everything behind and leave for a year really makes my mindset and thinking changed. In the past, I really will always ask why people like my buddies Gary, Darren etc has a very heart warming family but not me? Why am I not rich, at least rich enough to stay in big houses? I always ask myself for the things I don't own. But now, I am thankful, I thankful that I am healthy, I am thankful I have a mom that loves me a lot, I am thankful I have great buddies like Dillon, Gary, Darren, Dengyi, Suen, Elvin etc. whom I know I can trust and rely on! , I am thankful I have 3 meals a day and I no issues affording it, I am thankful for everything seriously. Not all of the things but I am trying. I think by doing this, life will be better and easier/happier to live. 

I had quality time spent with mum this time. Mom was really happy, I can tell. From her friends, I know my mom even better. At least, I know how she feels sometimes. I know she loves, more than herself so I will provide her in whatever ways in time to come. Maybe I cannot afford big bungalows, cannot afford big cars, cannot afford to eat exotic food everyday but at least I will make sure she has a roof over her head, with all that she needs. Just like how she provided me when I was young. Soon it will be my turn. But I hope she can be strong as usual for the times I am away because I am trying very hard to improve our family life.

Lastly, Thank you GOD, I never being so grateful than now. I am really grateful and contented with my current life. Life is more meaningful now. 

Sometimes don't look at things you don't have,why not look at things you already have makes your 

life easier and happier. Don't complain ,  be contented. At least you have a room to sleep

and food to eat whenever you are hungry. Not everyone is lucky as you are.

I am not a perfect son, a perfect friend but trust me I am trying now, I am trying my best.