My vessl's internet is UP!!!

OMGOMG!!! I can use internet like everyday NOW cus my ship's internet is UP! HAHA ... So guys stay tuned to my blog for my weekly or daily updates of my shit life onboard!

Lon: hey bro, I saw your blog today man, was damn destructive to me can! I cried, in my heart I have never blamed you for not being there for whenever i needed cus i know we all got to grow up and we have to learn to live when either one of us is not there. The past we had was beautiful but the future ahead of us when will be even better, you got to believe in me, you got to believe in yourself! though i may not be able to be there physically for you now but nevertheless you will always have my spirit and soul with you! You know something, whenever I am sad onboard I will always think of the past we had, the days where we chiong maple to dawn and go mac at harbourfront, the times where we go school today in yr mom's with you bad face in the morning, the day where i fall onto you on 855 when gg to sch and u slam the girl and then u got so mad at me, the day where u bought me fishball kwayteow and a coke at blk 112 coffeeshop(dunno u still rmb, cus i do!), the days we go work together at carl's jr and manymany more, these are memories i will never forget and i am very happy whenever i think back on it cus those life are the best part of my life! I hope you too will feel happy when u reflect back! Rmb no matter which part of the world i am at, your position in my heart will never change, I swear, no matter how much u change I will still try my best to keep up with u! And you dun have to compensate anything to me, you didnt did me wrong, in fact i was thankful we quarrelled cus things are clearer between us, no misunderstandings and we grew up from that! I am also not as good as u mention in yr blog, i am in fact being hated by my captain and some other people i know because maybe of the way i speak, i feel upset, i feel like giving up but i will never cus i know i can make it. you dun have to offer me anything, just be with me when i am back and i hope we can spend more time tgt! I miss you alot too, about a week ago, i got a little drunk then when i go back to my cabin i cried very badly, i took out the photos we once took and cried like mad until i fall aslp, i really miss all of u alot alot that sometimes i think i cannot make it anymore, this is my dunno how many times i had cried because i miss u all! I am really sorry that i canoot be with u as much as i can before due to my carrer but i will do whatever i can, you know i will! Please takecare and I will be back in no time, my dearest brother! I miss u alot !

10 more days before depature

I told myself that I shall keep a diary of these last 10days in Singapore as someone who I am now.

& after 6months or 1 year later, I shall look at myself and review myself again.

10 more days ...

Can I say that I am feeling excited/anticipating but also feeling scare and sad now ?

This feelings is generated by the video I just watched, please do watch and continue

with my post ...

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150151253331084&comments

Synopsis of the video: This is video features about a little kitten that was abandoned at her 2nd week after she came into this world. She was dumped in a trash bin and a girl heard it's cries and adopted it. Soon they became very close as close as blood related siblings however as time goes on this girl had to leave the cat due to her studies she has to leave home and she seldom comes home and eventually this cat grew into a very violent cat and eventually she was caged up because she starts to harm everyone at it. Then a pet mediator came and she said that it thought that the girl doesn't wants it anymore and it felt like she was once again been abandon and the kind of fear and loneliness came haunting it.

Thoughts after watching the video: Probably I am just thinking too much but I feel that it will some how happen but in a small degree I hope so. My life with my family,my cliques and my someone "special" will somewhat be like the cat eventually,

I am very close to my mom and she needs me a lot and most important of all I am her only child, someone who she can only trust and depend on now. But I am so cruel, I had to leave her alone for 1 year, leaving her alone to led her life alone. Maybe it is only 1 year now but after I come out to the society to work I will have to leave her side even more. I know eventually she will become "immune" to the fact and face it but she will be like how the cat felt, scare,loneliness and even worried.

& to my cliques, although we had reconciled after 2 years of "war" and "battling" which I thought was a total miracle. There are pros and cons to it, but I am rather look at the better side,I felt the bond and thoughts between us and we grew closer and more tolerable to each other craps. And in the past or now, I have been constantly being intruding in their life. We meet up almost every week with each other and to some extent almost everyday. We eat together, we watch movies together, we joke together, we organised birthdays together, we sing to our lungs limit together & we cried together. However, my "together" with them will soon lessen into "they". I am not saying that I have no confidence in them or what so ever but it is a natural feeling when someone is not by your side anymore, you tend to care less or thinks less of that person and eventually that person will be out of your life. Even the cat felt that way too. So it is totally understandable. Thats why people will say "treasure what you have now so that you wouldn't regret later" but to me I definitely will treasure whatever I have now but I will still feel regret and utterly sad that I can no longer spend lots of time with them, to understand them, to be with them through happiness or sadness. And soon this will happen, "AARON" ==DISTANCE== "Cliques". Tears well up my eyes now, but eventually I have to face it. & we will be like the cat and girl situation, and soon all or some of you will be like the cat and be really fed up with me. Sorry cliques, that I put things in such a way, but I can help with my feelings, I rather be true and honest with all of you because every single one of you means a lot to me .But no matter what I will hope all of you can be part of my future and nothing between us will amend and we still can talk,eat,joke and play like now !

& to my someone "special" although the period we knew each other and be together is no long but the bond I believe in is very strong. I treasure you a lot, more than I can even imagine. You let know that I can be so committed to someone and do so much changes to suits you and for the first time in my life I am so sure that someone is the "one" that I have been searching for and you will be in my life till we are separated by death. Everywhere I go, everynight I sleep, every breathe I take, I will think of our future and how I want our future to be. But I will eventually I will tear when I start to think that I will eventually have to leave to for a long period of time due to the nature of my work. Although many said it will then be a test of resilience of our love but to me we had already made it through. We will also eventually be like the cat and the girl situation, but will you end up being fed up of this kind of life, I really don't and no one knows the future. But no matter what will end up between us in the future, I will tell myself at least I had the awesome memories that we once shared and memories of our special occurrence. I have confidence in you but I have lack of confidence in myself. But no matter what happen, I really love you a lot and I hope you can be part of my future life.

Once again I will say, this is process that you all will not understand unless you are in my shoes. I not going aboard, I am going to a place where I cannot communicate with all of you that often. Humans without communication time together will tends to have problems.

Here I am - Leona Lewis

This is a crazy world
These can be lonely times
It's hard to know who's on your side
Most of the time

Who can you really trust
Who do you really know
Is there anybody out there
Who can make you feel less alone
Some times you just can't make it on your own

If you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend

When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am, hmmm

If you have broken dreams
Just lay them all on me
I'll be the one who understands
So take my hand

If you reach emptyness

You know I'll do my best
To fill you up with all the love
That I can show someone
I promise you you'll never walk alone

Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend

When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am, oooo

Everybody needs somebody who
keep a heart and soul in two

Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend

When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am, Here I am

My words to myself ...

I shall change for the better

It is an unusual way we meet and become together.
It is a random love but the love both share are not any random love.
I am childish, I am inmature, I am always thinking too much but
you are always there to reassure me things will be fine. & all I ever
need and want is all your love. Life ahead maybe hard and tough but
I believe we will make it there !

&
I will slowly change myself, kicking away all the bad habits I have
and I swear I will become a better lover. Although I am not perfect
but I will always try to be a perfect guy for you in every way I could
possibly do it because I had love you too much.

<3

Are you sure ?

That is what I asked myself 1days ago.
But after today, I am going to ask " Yes,I am sure and I have never been so sure in life before."

Then there was another question threw at me, " You really think long distance relationship can work?"
If it is me 2 days ago or if it is another person I will probably answered " I also dunno lei" but now
"I will answer with all my confidence, yes and we will try our very best, a clap takes 2 hands to clap and if the 2 hands did it then after the 3years that we maybe apart nothing much can stand in our way already." Distance or being separated by distance is not a bad thing, it actually made me treasure the time we have together more.

and I am serious that in my 18 years of life, I have never treasure time like how I am doing it now!

a day to rest

It is true about the saying that sad people for generally more weak and have lower in immue system. I have be very depressed these days and I am finally sick now. Down with fever,runny nose,cough and body ache. I guess it is a good time for me to rest my body and self .

MC for 2 days ...

My love for you is deep and meaningless

I, I don't know why I miss you so much
Yeah I, I don't know why I still feel your touch
You, you left me feeling high and dry
With nothing, nothing but the question why

Yeah you, I guess you had another direction
And leaving me with nothing but a dead connection

Chorus:
If you call me today
I'll say that I'm fine
But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice
It's just a lie
You knew what you had
You still walked away leaving me in this mess
My love for you is deep and meaningless

You, you knew what you were doing to me
And I, I guess I was too blind to see
Well you hit where it hurt and you fooled me so bad
But I'd do it again to relive what we had
(Damn that's sad)

There are many things left to remind me
Of a love that I just can't leave behind me

Chorus (Repeat)

~ Probably this lyric really express my feelings ~
Like what the lyric had express , "You, you left me feeling high and dry
With nothing, nothing but the question why? & You, you knew what you were doing to me
And I, I guess I was too blind to see Well you hit where it hurt and you fooled me so bad"
Previously maybe I do not know why but now I know the reason. & yes it is hurtful and extremely K.O for me. But my crying will come to a stop soon and I will start to pick up myself again. If you really care for me, don't ask me what happen because you are simply reminding me of my past again.

2010 Reflections

2010 has been a very happy and devasting year for me. From lossing I gain back and thats friendship I am refering to. I reconciled with my old friends (Darren,Dillon,Gary,Suen,Munyee) whom I have quarrelled with when I was in Sec 4. Reconcile with them has never been thought of because our last quarrel was tough and fierce one! Everyone thought it was the end of our friendship but somehow things didn't turned out what it was predicted. Being back with them had brought me many joys and laughther in my life again. Throughout this year they had been with me,being there for me and we were just like before. I also believed that quarrels had brought our distance closer. Though Darren always say that " we don't understand each other that much" but my answer now is 'Who really understand themselves that much ?' even I don't understand myself at times how can I understand people who are not even me ? Misundserstanding in friendship does always happen here and there, it is how we handle it that makes the difference and at least after every misunderstandings we will forgive and forget. Our friendship is not as strong as what it may seems but I am sure everyone in the clique will strive their best to maintain this friendship.

In terms of relationship, I have gain and I have loss. We started dating in around march and we stead in around May and finally our relationship is put to a test which we both cannot make it through in December. Throughout this 9months, I can say I really did love you alot but in the end I ended this relationship. Why? It is not because I have stop loving you already but I don't have confidence in our relationship. There is these phrase I had before " Loving someone having that someone". If you learn how to love you must also learn how to un-love. As you know I will be leaving like in 4months time and I will be gone for like at least 6months. I don't want myself to suffer in feeling of missing you and not been there with you when you need me. Thus ending it early will stop me from having all this feelings and it will be better off for me. I know I am selfish but who is not ? Who doesn't wants the best for themselves ? I am afraid, I don't how life will be outside there. Fearing is enough already, I don't want to have missing feelings to add on to my agony. I can only say I am sorry. Though this relationship has ended but I just hope once in a while you will think of me. For now, I am upset , very upset. I have been crying whenever I think of the past and what I have done. But "a moment of pain is better than prolong pain!". & deep in my heart I know I still do love you. Everything has an ending and this is our ending.

~The end~

Suen's Birthday !

Happy 18th Birthday to SUEN !
Finally you are 18 years old le ...
So how did we celebration suen birthday ???
>< >< ><

She booked a hotel in Sentosa at Siloso Beach there. All the cliques members and Melvin and Qiqi was invited. It is the first time at that hotel for the most of us. It is really a greenery hotel, everywhere is trees and flower !

After we settle down abit, some of us went to swim while some were playing the Monopoly Deal cards. I went to swim and I swear it is the coldest pool I have ever swam in my life !!! It is frezeeing cold ... Anyway after a while it felt better,guess my body was adpating to it ! Suen,Lon and I swam only so we went around and play and we even played with the slides and the pool .. woohoo ! It was so fun =DD

After swim, we went for dinner as everyone was getting abit hungry from the 'high-ness' ... So we dapao KFC back to the hotel to dine as the restaurant was packed ! Before going back to the hotel we went to the ResortWorld and do some phototaking as some of us had never been there ! SUAKU ... ~iam one of them~

Next comes the CAKE CUTTING TIME ! yeah ! We sang and took candid photos with the Birthday girl . After we ate the cake, it was about time for munyee to return home so we walked her to the train station and we went to WaveHouse for some chilling =D .. & it is drinking time again ! So while drinking we played Monopoly deal again .. Looks like it has slowly becoming our favourite game! As usual Darren face was burning red and mine was red .. I was abit drunk I guess .. haha =X

h

After drinking we went back to the hotel and slack and HBO was playing the movie Quarantine and we started watching it. Darren and Xiaowei was freak out by the show. But i guess it was a nice movie ! So after the movie we started to feel tired and we went to sleep liao !

& Thats not the end ! After we check out at 12pm some of us went back home to sleep for a few hours and washing up as we stayed nearby sentosa and meet again for ROUND 2 celebrations for SUEN ! We meet for dinner at Chinatown and after dinner some of us went home and Lon,Dengyi and suen and I went to Vivo to SING K !!! We sang from 9pm to 12am and IT IS TIME TO COUNTDOWN FOR 2011 ! But in the end the countdown at Vivocity is dull and boring -.- ! After the fireworks we walked to darren's place there to have supper before Suen and I head home !

~post to be continued !~