Okay Japan trip has been confrimed so as the flight that we will
be taking . Quite excited about it as it is first time in my whole life
to visit Japan and it has been like a lifelong dream to me ! .. haha XD

Next exams a setting in soon , kinda looking forward to it because
i know once i clear it and that is it I AM FREE to do whatever I like !
and of cus i have lots of plan to spent my holiday with my friends ^^

Life is all about acting !

I kept pondering these days about something , srsly i wonder
do you sleep well at night after doing some many evil things
and try to harm ppl ? or doesn't your guilty conscience slowly
tear apart from inside out ? srsly it does happen to me whenever
i try to harm ppl or do something evil and that feeling is so awlful
that i have no mood to do anything ..

Life is a drama, everyone can pretend but one fine day god will be
here to punish you for everything that you had done and I believe
in their presence ! In life what goes around come around and that
is call karma and believe it or not it does present. Mom always
tell me from young that 'I should treat people the way I want people
to treat me'. Though is hard to do it but I always try my best as
long as it does not go against my principles of life.

For now I can only wish that may god be with you to guide you to
the correct path of life again because I believe no one in this world
is evil in nature .. You may do things to protect yourself but do not
do it at the expense of others !

God can only help you when start helping yourself .

一廂情願

Too tired ? maybe bah .. Like i said in fb "if one day i choose to
leave , it is because i am too tired and too much agony and not
because i do not love you anymore" . The more i engross myself
into this the more I am hurt .. I am not going to yao sheng yao
si like what i said before . but at least i can tell myself that I
tried to reveal my real self but somehow we cannot sync together
like how others can . I really tried but the more i try the more
pain i am putting myself thru .

Frankly speaking , i ever thought that we can grow old together
but i find it impossible now . it was just my foolish thoughts and
all are my thoughts not ours . there are many things i want to
do together with you but somehow we never have time . I want
to be truthful to you but you always hide your things from me.

Probably it is all 一廂情願 thoughts . I really did tried my best.
I dunno what else I can do . maybe you want to tell me ?

~The End~

Our today is national day and quite surprisingly mom cook
for me .. we had a little dinner celebration and she cooked seafood
tom yam soup, friend kailian and i cooked chicken bulgogi !
it has been a long time since i sat down and every a proper meal
with my mom and i hope while i am here i can spend more time
with my mom and have more meals with her more often ..

secondly i most likely will be going back to Regional Container Lines
(RCL) to work for my holidays as i hope to earn extra bucks for
my holidays and i wish to have more contact with the shipping
industry ..

i am not angry is not because i have no anger
but i want you to know the fact that i love you
thus i am not angry .. but as this carry on i start to
feel tired alr .. i start not give a damn anymore
about whether you will sms me or call me because
the gap in between us is too wide , since the last quarrel
i had tried my best to fill up whatever i can but somehow
i think you no longer give a damn anymore too thus you
always give me a cold shoulder .. i am tried and fragile ,
tell me what you really want .. i tell myself i will tried 3
times and this the last try i am going to take .. i kept
asking myself if 'love is about giving and taking' but why
i keep trying to give but nothing came back in return ?

Long time since i blogged as i was too busy to blog !

Today is a great great weekend as i went to run with suen
in the morning and sweating like a pig and mom cooked my
favourite pig trotter beehoon .. but the stuffs that is coming
up in the later part of the day i hate ..

WHY ?

Frankly speaking , i am pissed, i mean very pissed with something.
I DUN MIND NOT GOING TO JAPAN NOW .. first of all the
craps my lect wants us to do like sing 8 fucking SONGS included
1 Cherography song , 4 English songs, 1 Chinese and 2 Japanese
which i cant even pronouce or memorise them .. and he want us
to play badminton friendly matches with the japanese and he
wan us to have a friendly SWIMMING competition with them
during the fucking season of winter ! WTF ? On second thoughts
i felt like we are entertainers instead of students going there to
learn new things .. and I shall renounced that I AM NOT A SP
ENTERTAINER ! I dun mind singing but at least not so many songs
and other factors i dun wish to mention . AND i dun like the way
thins are handled in the team, making decisions without consulting
any of us and plenty of last min things which i had .. i mean at least
have an itenary presented to us and not whenever you like you
meet i am a human i have my own life to led too .. and mom agree
with me and she is right that if i am not happy of going japan wad
is the point spending the money and go since i dun enjoy the process.

And one more thing ,

Whether you like it or not or you feel offenisve but i shall tell you that
i am a structive person which means i planned my days and everything
way before thus I am someone who has LAST MINUTE THINGS and
I shall not go any last minute stuff regardless of any event cus it just
fucking pissed me to the max . Everyone has a life to lead, i dun like
my life to be run this mannered.

It may be offensive but I have my own principle to follow and I am going
to be a future sea navigator who is responsble for all my actions and I
am not going to make any last minute decision because last minute stuff
prove that the person has no discipline in life at all.

I am not saying anyone here , i am just say out my views . If you think
i am mentioning about you and you want to gossip and make a big fuss
out of it pls go ahead because this prove that you are gulity.

i really loss it this time .. totally loss it ..
suddenly felt like crying and i dunno what to do
now .. i am tired of leading this kind of life i am
leading .. i am breathless , just leave me alone ,
i finally know what is it meant by when you are
not destined to own it , it may seems to be a small
thing to you but you are not me .. those were the
last memories i had with wujing and many other
ppl i treasured alot and those memories will just
go with my age one day , slowly but surely