I told myself that I shall keep a diary of these last 10days in Singapore as someone who I am now.
& after 6months or 1 year later, I shall look at myself and review myself again.
10 more days ...
Can I say that I am feeling excited/anticipating but also feeling scare and sad now ?
This feelings is generated by the video I just watched, please do watch and continue
with my post ...
Synopsis of the video: This is video features about a little kitten that was abandoned at her 2nd week after she came into this world. She was dumped in a trash bin and a girl heard it's cries and adopted it. Soon they became very close as close as blood related siblings however as time goes on this girl had to leave the cat due to her studies she has to leave home and she seldom comes home and eventually this cat grew into a very violent cat and eventually she was caged up because she starts to harm everyone at it. Then a pet mediator came and she said that it thought that the girl doesn't wants it anymore and it felt like she was once again been abandon and the kind of fear and loneliness came haunting it.
Thoughts after watching the video: Probably I am just thinking too much but I feel that it will some how happen but in a small degree I hope so. My life with my family,my cliques and my someone "special" will somewhat be like the cat eventually,
I am very close to my mom and she needs me a lot and most important of all I am her only child, someone who she can only trust and depend on now. But I am so cruel, I had to leave her alone for 1 year, leaving her alone to led her life alone. Maybe it is only 1 year now but after I come out to the society to work I will have to leave her side even more. I know eventually she will become "immune" to the fact and face it but she will be like how the cat felt, scare,loneliness and even worried.
& to my cliques, although we had reconciled after 2 years of "war" and "battling" which I thought was a total miracle. There are pros and cons to it, but I am rather look at the better side,I felt the bond and thoughts between us and we grew closer and more tolerable to each other craps. And in the past or now, I have been constantly being intruding in their life. We meet up almost every week with each other and to some extent almost everyday. We eat together, we watch movies together, we joke together, we organised birthdays together, we sing to our lungs limit together & we cried together. However, my "together" with them will soon lessen into "they". I am not saying that I have no confidence in them or what so ever but it is a natural feeling when someone is not by your side anymore, you tend to care less or thinks less of that person and eventually that person will be out of your life. Even the cat felt that way too. So it is totally understandable. Thats why people will say "treasure what you have now so that you wouldn't regret later" but to me I definitely will treasure whatever I have now but I will still feel regret and utterly sad that I can no longer spend lots of time with them, to understand them, to be with them through happiness or sadness. And soon this will happen, "AARON" ==DISTANCE== "Cliques". Tears well up my eyes now, but eventually I have to face it. & we will be like the cat and girl situation, and soon all or some of you will be like the cat and be really fed up with me. Sorry cliques, that I put things in such a way, but I can help with my feelings, I rather be true and honest with all of you because every single one of you means a lot to me .But no matter what I will hope all of you can be part of my future and nothing between us will amend and we still can talk,eat,joke and play like now !
& to my someone "special" although the period we knew each other and be together is no long but the bond I believe in is very strong. I treasure you a lot, more than I can even imagine. You let know that I can be so committed to someone and do so much changes to suits you and for the first time in my life I am so sure that someone is the "one" that I have been searching for and you will be in my life till we are separated by death. Everywhere I go, everynight I sleep, every breathe I take, I will think of our future and how I want our future to be. But I will eventually I will tear when I start to think that I will eventually have to leave to for a long period of time due to the nature of my work. Although many said it will then be a test of resilience of our love but to me we had already made it through. We will also eventually be like the cat and the girl situation, but will you end up being fed up of this kind of life, I really don't and no one knows the future. But no matter what will end up between us in the future, I will tell myself at least I had the awesome memories that we once shared and memories of our special occurrence. I have confidence in you but I have lack of confidence in myself. But no matter what happen, I really love you a lot and I hope you can be part of my future life.
Once again I will say, this is process that you all will not understand unless you are in my shoes. I not going aboard, I am going to a place where I cannot communicate with all of you that often. Humans without communication time together will tends to have problems.
